𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐥 𝐁. 𝐆𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐳 𝖔𝖋 𝐁𝐫𝐠𝐲. 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐧
It was senior high school year when I first saw her.
It wasn’t hard to notice, as she stood out the most in the crowd.
At that moment I thought she was just gonna be a casual classmate.
Though as time passed by, I longed for her presence more.
While playing with others, she smiled at my face. I felt the world turned slowly .
I was bewitched when she smiled at me and I know in that moment something inside me lit up. It made me alive a bit more.
I decided to message her, we instantly became close friends.
Getting to know her even deeper made my heart livelier.
I don’t know what came over to me but I confessed to her, I just prepared myself for the worst.
But instead, she didn’t mind it.
We’re still friends, but I started making an effort for her.
She wanted to say something, it was Christmas Eve.
“I’m in love with someone”
I felt a stab in my chest, but even after that I’m still happy for her. It was the saddest Christmas I’ve ever had.
After that night, I decided to avoid her.
Classes resumed, it was confusing because the more I avoided her the more I got closer to her. There’s a feeling she liked me too and there’s the thought that maybe she’s just kind.
I don’t know why I didn’t give up, maybe the love was too strong.
People started belittling me for it, I was drained by it.
I needed to protect myself, so I asked if I could have a conversation with her.
“I love you, but I will end everything here now. I got tired”
She told me how little she felt, how her lover treated her the way that made her little.
My steeled resolve softened, as I felt her agony.
“I liked you too, perhaps I still do.”
My world stopped in that instance, I wanna hold her. It made me happy, but I feel guilty.
After that night, we decided to start a new beginning. My days became more lively, the phase is too fast.
We didn’t commit immediately, but days passed. The guilt in both of us builds up.
And one day, it just ended.
The guilt is unbearable, for the both of us.
“I don’t know if there’s a time that I would see myself being with you”
I felt emptiness as my chest tighten.
“So, I guess the love isn’t enough?”
“Yeah”
I lied to her saying that it’s alright; that I understand. But the truth, it wasn’t alright at all and I don’t understand it.
She asked me to keep one of the bracelets she recently bought, I just said “sure” if we can meet.
I told her “I love you” one last time, before our ways parted.
Years passed, yet I decided to wait and be better.
My most awaited day came, we accidentally met each other in our special place.
I have missed her, yet I can’t look at her for a long time.
We approached each other with a smile, I saw a lit of sparks in her eyes.
The street lights and the moon reflected in her faces. She’s still beautiful as ever, how I loved her.
I don’t know what happened to me, but words that I wasn’t supposed to say came out in my mouth.
She didn’t say a thing for a while, but she took something out of her bag.
She handed me a bracelet.
“I love you too, but..”
I was too stunned to say something, there’s ‘but’ again.
“But I can’t”.
“It feels like a sin”
“I would gladly go to hell, just to brag to the demons that I was with an angel and loved by it too”.
“I can’t do that, I’m sorry.”
I didn’t accept the bracelet, instead I look away.
“Please stop making me hope that there will be us”.
“Please stop doing this”.
“Please stop making me feel loved if you can’t”.
“Please stop saying you love me”.
“Please stop it, please”.
Maybe those are the words, I kept unsaid for a long time.
I turned my back away, knowing that I couldn’t change her mind. I suppressed my tears, as I walked away. Leaving her standing alone in our special place.
#Dungngo#Literary#Love#MayorAliciaPrimiciasEnriquez#MayorAliciaPrimiciasEnriquezYourPublicServant#SanNicolasPangasinanMyHomeMyPride
